Ask Drunk Harry
by TheTwoMind
Summary: If you've seen Ask Drunk!Chara then you'll know what this is.
1. Hogwarts Drunk Harry

**AN: So who's seen the Ask Drunk!Chara Tumbler thingy? I find it super funny… So I've decided to do my first… Um… Crackfic? I think? Well it's permanently Drunk Harry. So my canon is he got his hands on alcohol when he was little and became a permanent Drunk along with his uncle. Also I like the idea of Harry just chugging alcohol in the sorting, or any moment really! By the way at this moment in my life I have never had any alcoholic beverage. I sorta want to so I can be a Drunk!Chara but… I also don't… So this is going to be a silly version of what I think being drunk is like! Sorry…**

The entire school watched as a Drunken Harry Potter stumbled towards the hat, holding a bottle in his hands and a dopey grin. He fell flat on his face for a moment before snoring.

Harry woke up lazily in a white bed. He reached out and grabbed a bottle from somewhere, opening it and chugging the entire thing. "MR POTTER!" A nurse lady shouted at him snatching the bottle. He stood up and jumped up and down trying to reach it.

"Give it back!"

"NO!"

"Gimme it!"

"NO!"

"Pleeeeaaase?!"

"NO!" The nurse vanished the bottle. Then he chugged a new bottle happily causing her to faceplant.

The two kids dragged the hiccupping boy to the corridor talking about some stone or something. Looking around he saw one of the teachers, squirrel or something… "Squ- Hic- Squirrel?" He asked drunkenly. "What are y- hic- you doing here?" He asked him drinking more.

"… Potter stop." The teacher said before turning back to a mirror. "Aha!" He shouted pushing him in front of it. "What do you see?" He asked.

"I see…" He said looking. In the mirror he saw himself with a large amount of alcohol with his best friends, who tried to stop him from drinking which he couldn't help… One of the bottles was red. "I see… Lots of -hic- alcohol…" He said drinking out of the bottle finishing it off. The teacher blinked annoyed.

Harry watched as the snake approached the boy. In his drunken state he hiss/said/slurred. "Come here –hic- lil buddy… no hurty…" He said.

Harry blinked as the clearly sex offender teacher man claimed he was the hair of slithering or something. "I -hic- can't slither…" He said wisely from his place on the floor surrounded by bottles. Everyone stared at him as he kept drinking.

Miss Bushy face slammed Harry into the bowl as she tried to get the memories out of his head. Mister Whitebeard pushed his stick into his face, putting a weird white sticky goo into the bowl, it pulled them all in.

 **Five years ago**

Harry walked over to his uncle with a bottle in his hands. "What's this uncle Vernon?" He asked.

"It's alcohol boy… Now go away before I hit you or try to abuse you…" He said drinking.

Harry watched and started drinking from the bottle. His uncle saw and tried to pull it away from him. "No! Don't drink… that…" He tried to say annoyed.

Harry patted his uncles shoulder kindly with a drunk face. "Don't worry Uncle… It's not your fault Auntie marge sat on duddy…" He said wisely, before falling onto the floor and kept drinking.

 **End of memory**

Harry drank from his bottle happily as the school saw his memory. He vaguely saw a pink demon thingy walk in and try to take his bottle. "MINE!" He shouted furiously before drinking more.

Harry set up a box in his rare sober form for reviews from the other world to come in. People could send him stuff, questions and anything else. He plonked a brain in a jar onto the top of the box before chugging his drink and collapsing.

The brain wiggled before a sound appeared. "Hi guys! It's me thetwomind! I've decided to live with Harry in this world because he does stupid stuff a lot. And his version of Vernon always calls me when he does stupid stuff, if I didn't live with him then Vernon wouldn't get to put the phone down. Just think of me as Core!Frisk from the Ask Drunk!Chara thingy… So yeah… Send reviews to Drunk Harry and we'll answer them together."

Hermione walked into the room, saw the brain and drunk Harry on the floor and instantly walked out of it. She didn't have the mental capacity to deal with it at the moment. Or ever really…


	2. 1 point 5

**AN: A small update**

The floaty brain was now a robotic version of a chibi Harry. With void eyes. "Hi guys! I'm being Core!Frisk! YAY! Anyway I realised our original idea wasn't gonna work… So we changed it a bit. Once we get a few reviews for Harry we'll do another chapter with Harry either responding, flashbacking or other stuff. So review for us. By the way Natilie System. Harry is ecstatic to respond to your review as soon as possible. So that'll be his first response of the story.


	3. Why would you help him?

**AN: Hey guys! So I was gonna wait for just one more review but… I'll just go with two. Let's hope *and dream* that it'll be enough…**

Harry watched as the first review came in and played on the speakers. It was from Natilie System. " _ **Hey Harry here, *Holds out Vodka***_ "

"Thanks!" He shouted happily drinking it.

"This is what I thought would end up happening…" TheTwoMind said. "Oh and call me Twoie please, or… Core!Twomind or something." He added. "… Harry?"

Harry stood in the great hall drinking the lovely reviewer vodka he'd been given. "SO GOOD!" He shouted happily.

"What the... Give me that!" Hermione shouted trying to grab it from him.

"MINE!"

"Give it to me now!" She told him annoyed.

"It's mine!"

"It's going to get you killed!"

"No it won't! It's from the really nice reviewers! Also I'm sorta immune to alcohol poisoning as well." He told her going sober for a second before going back to drunk.

"What? Who are… the reviewers?"

"The one's watching us? Duh…" He told her skipping off.

"You're back? Good… We only have one more review before we need to wait again. It's from… Anabella Lucy Nox…" Core!Twomind told him.

" **Yo Chara, do you know Chara? I think you two would get along great.** "

"Of course I know Chara! How do you think I have so many types of alcohol? He buys me them so that I can drink them! All I have to do is make sure that Frisk doesn't find out about Chara nearly killing that guy! And the others guys…" He told the reviewer with a happy grin. "Plus that's how I got the idea for this kinda thing, it was Chara's idea first."


	4. Short stories like this are easy

**AN: I'm trying to write some old stories but I'm having trouble… So let's distract me! A good thing about this is that they're real short.**

Core!TwoMind turned on the machine. "This one's from Natilie System again." He said.

" ***humming megalovania* oh hey *pulls out alot of alcohol* DONT DRINK IT ALL IN ONE DAY!** "

"I won't!" Harry agreed chugging a bottle. "How do you know Megalovania? Chara taught me that song but it just makes me want more alcohol… Thanks anyway though!" He said happily.


	5. Core get's asked something for once

**AN: Y'Know… This stories real good for letting off some steam since they're basically mini chapters.**

Core!TwoMind set up the machine again for another message set. "This one's from… Natilie System again." He said activating it.

" ***sigh* its a llllloooooonnnngggggg story *waves hand about* enough about that tho just know this my last name is a font AND i know a certain smol jokster** "

"Oh that makes sense…" Harry nodded understanding. "We got anymore today or…" He asked Core!TwoMind.

"Yeah one more from… NickParadox." He said as he started it up.

" **Heya Harry, three thing, one here *bottle of vodka flavored Firewhiskey*, two, how does Sirius deal with your alcohol addiction? and finally have you ever tried to brew your own alcohol with potions?, Also Core! how's your day going, chum?** "

"Thanks!" Harry said drinking it. "Sirius… Well…"

 **Flashback**

Harry walked into the defence room drunk as always, with Core!TwoMind keeping an eye on him, along with his new dog fluffybumjab the tenth. "C'mon fluffybumjab the tenth!" He said dragging him along.

"Is that…" Lupin muttered.

 **Five minutes later**

Harry watched as his dog turned into a man and turned out to be a criminal that was innocent.

"Harry!" He shouted as he hugged him crying.

"Hi…" He mumbled drinking more.

"Are… Are you drunk!?" He shouted.

"Uh…" He blinked confused, the alcohol making him forget.

"Yeah he's drunk." Core!TwoMind said.

"Oh… Ok then…" He muttered in shock, watching as his godson got drunk.

 **Present.**

"Yeah he wasn't too happy with it but… He met uncle Vernon and they're trying to make sure I don't get in too much trouble so that's fun!" He finished with an embarrassed grin. "I tried once but…"

 **Flashback**

Harry sat in the potions classroom in the middle of the night with Core!TwoMind watching him. He put in random things and some of his alcohol in it and the room exploded, blasting him into the wall.

 **Present**

"Twoie said he'd try in his own time to test it safely though!" He finished happily.

"I'm doing great." Core!TwoMind said. "I just kinda wish I could write better stories and stuff, also I wish I could draw so that I could make web comic blog stuff, that'd be really fun y'know?"


	6. Core has a new friendpet

**AN: I'm having trouble writing so more Drunk Harry!**

Core!Twomind looked at the machine and activated it. "Natilie System first."

" ***is sitting on some table then she falls off taking the table with her causing a massive noise*ow...ow...oww..im ok... hi..** "

"Hi! Are you sure you're alright?" Harry asked worried. "I guess you are but… Be careful you idiot!" He said upset and angry.

"Next up is NickParadox."

" **Few more questions...and more gifts...1st Question is for hermione, what made you want to be friends (or maybe more, i ain't judging) with Harry if you have a problem with his addiction, 2nd question Harry does mrs. weasely not like you cause she thinks you'll get her kids also addicted to alcohol, 3th question is for Core! why do you think your writing is bad, it's actually better than mine, last but not least here is some presents, for Harry, a how to brew your own alcohol potions book, for Sirius, a dog comb and flee shampoo and for core!, A new friend, my little chibi, Core! self*small version of my pic but different colors are different greys and black holes for eyes* he is called experment R103R or Ryder for short!** "

"Well… I don't like Harry that way…" Hermione said embarrassed. "I'm just making sure he doesn't get in trouble really." She explained before escaping the room.

"Um… She likes me but she never lets me drink when she's nearby, so it's not great, and she knows that I'm not gonna let any of them near my alcohol!" Harry mumbled drinking a small shot glass.

"Well… If you've read my old stories and even my new ones they aren't the best so…" Core!TwoMind explained with a shrug. "I'm just not super confident I guess."

"WHOOOO PRESENTS!" Harry shouted holding his new book happily.

"Oh come on!" Sirius shouted annoyed as he saw the comb and shampoo. "I don't have flees!" He yelled angrily storming off.

"Thanks." Core!TwoMind said looking at Ryder. "This is adorable and precious and wow…"


	7. this means core has a house right?

**AN: Hey guys! So… If you wouldn't mind reviewing on Call its name that'd be great! Anyway time for another short chapter…**

"Ok this is from… Pokemonmaster223…" Core!TwoMind said activating the machine as always.

" **So... I'm gonna have my first question be a simple one, how did you meet Chara, Frisk, etc.? Also, I came with candy, non-alcoholic beverages, and a jar of condensed emotion, whichever one you feel when you stick your hand in is random! *gives all of these to y'all*** "

"Oh that's easy! Umm… We're talking about Drunk!Chara right?" He checked trailing off. "I live in Argentina sometimes with Core. Same as Frisk, Chara, Core!Frisk… I think we met at a bar?" He mumbled forgetting.

 **FLASHBACK**

Harry sat on the barstool trying to convince the flamey man to let him drink.

" _ **No. I don't serve minors.**_ " He kept saying annoyed.

"MORE BEER!" A voice shouted as someone stumbled over and drank beer. "Whooo! Hey… Why's there a little kid here?" The person asked confused.

" _ **He seems to be an alcoholic…**_ "

"Huh… MORE DRINKS FOR US!"

" _ **Chara why…**_ " He grumbled handing over two drinks for the two too chug.

 **Present.**

"I dunno…" He shrugged.

"Good idea…" Core!TwoMind said munching on some of the candy. "Huh… This is good."

"No it's not!" Harry shouted looking at the drinks. "Where's the booze?!"

"And how do you condense emotion?" He added sticking his tiny chibi hand in it.


End file.
